Tweezers
by Zolac no Miko
Summary: As Miaka and the Suzaku Seven prepare to party in Waikiki, they seek to answer the eternal question: "Why does Tasuki need tweezers?" A companion piece to "Miaka and the Suzaku Seven go to Hawaii!"


Okay, this is a companion piece to "Miaka and the Suzaku Seven go to Hawaii!", my tropical comic epic. Ooh, too many "ic's." Anyhoo, I will state right here that this story is sooo not my fault, and I will hold to that statement. I swear, it totally did not occur to me that there was anything at all unusual about Tasuki carrying tweezers in his carry on luggage. Me, I pack them automatically, without thinking. I cannot travel without them. They're so useful! You can remove splinters, and maintain your perfect eyebrow, and... umm... yeah, that's pretty much it. I guess it's a girl thing. But hey, guys get splinters too! And ya know some guys tweeze. One day they have a unibrow, and the next day.... I'm just sayin'!  
Well anywayz, this piece takes place between chapters six and seven of MSSH, so if ya haven't read that one, GO READ IT RIGHT NOW, FOOLISH HUMAN WORM BABY!!! Ahem. Sorry, I've been watching Invader Zim. Right. Well, the idea is, the whole gang's getting ready to go out dancing on their last night in Honolulu. Madness ensues.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yûgi. After reading this, you will understand why this is probably a good thing.  
  
Warnings: Tasuki fangirls may be scarred for life. See look? I warned you. Now you are not allowed to sue me to pay for any psychiatric therapy you may feel that you need.  
  
I would like to dedicate this story to RainbowSerenity and Shinju, who had to ask the eternal question, "Why does Tasuki have tweezers?" Henceforth I would like to state, any psychological trauma suffered by anyone who reads this story is their fault, not mine. Sic your lawyers on them, not me, okey dokey? Great. Now, without further ado (since I've had more than enough ado already!), I present...  
  
Tweezers  
  
Nuriko sighed deeply, pacing back and forth at the foot of his bed. He sat down heavily and glared at the wall. He tapped his foot impatiently. He blew at the lock of purple hair that dangled in front of his eyes. He looked at the clock, chewing on his lip. Finally, with an exasperated groan, he flopped backwards on the bed.  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggggghhhhh!!!!" he exclaimed.  
Chichiri and Chiriko glanced over from the other bed, where they were both watching the Fishing Channel. "Ne... Nuriko... what is wrong?" asked Chiriko.  
"Miaka's been in the shower for like an hour now," griped the purple haired seishi. "Honestly, how long does it take to get ready?!"  
Chichiri was going to mention how much time Nuriko usually spent primping himself, but wisely thought better of it.  
"I mean, come on!" continued the cross-dresser. "What does she have to get all dressed up and fancy for? Tama-baby's completely flipped for her no matter how she looks, and if any other guys look at her, he'll rip their eyes out. So what's the point?"  
Nuriko got up from the bed and began to pace again, ranting and railing about the injustices of the priestess' prolonged grooming session. Chichiri sighed deeply and returned his attention to the television, where a small boy with a bamboo pole was holding a grim vigil over a small tidepool. 'Don't lose hope, child,' he thought. 'There is always a fish, if you just wait long enough na no da!'  
Chiriko watched in morbid fascination as Nuriko paced faster and faster, eventually becoming a purple blur and causing the young genius' eyes to become crossed. Shaking his head to clear off the dizziness, the green-eyed child cried out in desperation. "Nuriko-kun!"  
"... and we're going dancing in half an hour; how, I ask you, how in Suzaku's name am I supposed to wash and dry my hair in half an hour, not to mention make-up...?!"  
"NURIKO-KUN!"  
The distraught seishi stopped abruptly, panting for air. "Yes, Chiriko?"  
Chiriko cleared his throat. "Ne, Nuriko... why don't you just knock on the door and ask her politely to hurry?"  
Nuriko thought about this for a moment. "Good idea, Chiri-chan. I think I'll do just that!" he declared.  
Nuriko marched over to the bathroom, and smacked the wall once, hard. A few small chunks of plaster rained down from the ceiling. "MIAKA, GET YOUR LITTLE MIKO ASS OUT OF THAT BATHROOM RIGHT THIS DAMN MINUTE!!!!" he yelled. Chiriko put his face in his hands.  
"Nuriko?"  
The cross-dresser whirled around. Miaka stood peering in from the other room.  
"Did you want something, Nuriko?"  
"Mi-M-M-Mi-Miaka!" he stuttered. "Miaka?! I thought you were in the bathroom!"  
"No, I'm done with the bathroom. I've been out on the balcony with Tamahome for forty-five minutes."  
Nuriko cocked an eyebrow.  
The miko blushed. "We were watching the sunset!" she protested.  
"Uh-huh," stated the seishi, flatly.  
"Nuriko!" complained the priestess. "Get your mind out of the gutter!"  
The purple-haired seishi was about to reply, when a curious thought sproinged into his head. "Whoa whoa whoa. Wait. If you're out here, then who in Suzaku's name is in the bathroom?"  
Silence. Then Nuriko whirled around and punched the door open. He immediately let out an ear-splitting shriek and and collapsed to the carpet. Instantly the miko and seishi from both rooms were crowded at the bathroom door, peering in.  
It was Tasuki. Tasuki, wearing a tightly-fitted black and red Chinese dress. Tasuki with one foot up on the counter where he was drying the red nail polish with a hairdryer while peering into the mirror and tweezing his eyebrows with his other hand.  
The whole group face-faulted, en masse. Nuriko continued to shriek with laughter, holding his sides and rolling around on the carpet.  
Tasuki glared daggers at them with black mascara-coated lashes as they picked themselves off the floor. "I'm warnin' ya," he growled menacingly, "don't... say... a !#%in'... word."  
Mitsukake made some curious gurgley choking noises in the back of his throat.  
Tamahome picked his jaw up from the floor and shoved it firmly back in place. He took a deep breath. The bandit narrowed his eyes in warning.  
"Yet who is this vision before me?" exclaimed Tamahome, smirking. He dropped to his knees, clasping his hands together. "Speak, o fair maiden! I beg of you, only tell me your name! Or perhaps angels have no names!"  
With a roar of fury, Tasuki launched himself at his brother seishi. The rest of the group collapsed in helpless laughter.  
The feminized bandit knocked Tamahome to the floor and proceeded to wring his neck, shaking him violently. The green-haired seishi, unresisting, laughed until tears came out of his eyes.  
"THIS IS TH' LAST !%IN' STRAW, I SWEAR TA SUZAKU!!" bellowed the effeminate outlaw. "THIS IS THE WORST VACATION EVER! FIRST I GET AIRSICK AN' THEN CHICHIRI'S YELLIN' AT ME AN' DAMN NEAR CRASHES THE !&IN' VAN, SCARED TH' !% OUTTA ME, AN' THEN I HAFTA SLEEP WITH #$%IN' TAMA, I DON' WANNA SLEEP WITH TAMA, AN' YA MAKE ME GO THROUGH TH' $%IN' WATER TUNNEL, AN' THEN SURFIN', GODS BE DAMNED, I ALMOST DROWNED FER TH' LOVE A' SUZAKU, AN' GODS DAMMIT TAMA WHY DO YA ALWAYS GOTTA BE PICKIN' ON ME I SWEAR...!!!"  
Hotohori, having recovered his composure, managed to pry the screaming bandit off of Tamahome. Tasuki turned his blazing eyes on the emperor, who braced himself.  
Unexpectedly, the redhead collapsed against the older man and, clutching his expensive silk shirt, began to sob brokenly. "I've been so stressed out, I jus' wanted ta relax an' have a good time, go dancin'!" he wailed. "An' now... an' now... my makeup's all messy! Nobody's gonna think I'm pretty!" He began to bawl louder, getting the emperor thoroughly soaked.  
Hotohori, looking more than slightly alarmed, patted awkwardly at the distressed outlaw's shoulder. "Ne, Tasuki? Tasuki...." He whimpered. "Tasuki, our shirt...."  
Nuriko, having finished his laugh, crawled over and deftly detached the weeping bandit from the emperor. Clutching heika-sama was his job, dammit! The cross-dresser... erm, the purple-haired cross-dresser hugged the outlaw to him and stroked his hair as Tasuki sniffled wetly. "There there," he crooned softly. "There there, Tasu-chan, it's all right." Hotohori, sighing with relief, poked at his dampened shirt forlornly.  
"No it ain't, it's not all right," whimpered Tasuki.  
"Sure it is," Nuriko soothed. "Hey, look at me, Tasu-chan. I still think you're pretty." He glared a warning at Tamahome, who stifled his snicker.  
Tasuki gazed at Nuriko with jello eyes, his lip trembling. "Really?" he quavered.  
The older seishi nodded. "Come on, Tasu-chan," he coaxed softly, leading the redhead back to the bathroom. "It's okay, I'll help you with your makeup, and then you and I and Hotohori can go dancing together!"  
The emperor looked up at this, his eyes widening with dismay. "Do we have to?" he whimpered.  
  
FIN  
  
Notes: Scary, ne? Now, you may all consider this an alternate universe to MSSH. This particular episode has no bearing on the original storyline, and will not be referred to in that story. Also, I would like to say, for the record, I personally believe Tasuki is straight, and would only cross dress to save his life, as seen in, what is it, book seven or eight? However, as seen in that book, I think we can all agree that he looks damn fine in drag. Actually, Tasuki pretty much always looks damn fine. He could be painted purple and wearing a chicken suit and still look damn fine. And yeah, he doesn't have to be a drag queen to tweeze his eyebrows. I mean, he's kind of a metrosexual anyway, right? I mean, hello! Earrings. Obviously lots of product in hair. Stylish clothing!! But then again, the drag queen theory makes a better story, right? And Tasuki darling, you know I only kid because I love! 


End file.
